People, people, people…stop the madness!

We have all seen the email forwards making jokes about the unwritten rules of public restroom etiquette.  You know…the courtesy flush, choosing a stall away from someone already in there, don’t reach under the wall to show your neighbor your hand flipped upwards (you’ll get arrested), don’t make eye contact at the urinals, etc.  For some unbeknowst reason,the rush of a public restroom turn people into digusting animals. I would hate to see some of the restrooms in these people’s homes.  

So I’ve compiled a list of rules for the phantoms out there that like to destroy public restrooms:

1.) If you drop paper towels or toilet paper on the floor, pick it up and throw it away.
2.) If you are scared to sit on the toilet, learn how to balance yourself instead of spraying everywhere.  Or take a moment and clean the seat off.
3.) If you realize while standing at the urinal that you have a booger, don’t pick it and wipe it on the wall.  Get some toilet paper and blow your nose.
4.) If you are that adult that never quite mastered pooing without getting it ALL OVER THE SEAT, take a moment and clean it off.
5.) LADIES…there are proper trashcans in most stalls for your menstral products…use it.
6.) Soap is provided for you to wash your hands…it’s not there for decoration, just do it.
7.) For those that like to clog a toilet on a regular basis, look for a plunger and if one is not available…report it to someone.
8.) Flush the toilet when you are done.  You aren’t 2…you don’t need to save the “treasure” for your Mommy so you can receive an M&M for a job well done.
9.) Aim, aim, aim and succeed.
10.) Don’t be creepy and talk, sing or hum while going…it’s not fair to make everyone else uncomfortable.  Save that for when you are at home.

I’m sure if I really took the time to think about some of the horrendous restrooms I’ve encountered, I could come up with a longer list.  Above is my top ten peeves about the human race and their lack of common sense. Normally I would say, “Treat the public restroom like the one at home”…but I’m beginning to believe they live like this on a day to day basis.

My old job actually had to have a meeting about bathroom etiquette with certain departments in the building.  Can you imagine being in that meeting?  Rather..can you imagine being the one that actually had to conduct the meeting?  This infamous meeting happened shortly after a lady who later became known as the phantom pooper, started wreeking havoc.  The incidents started occurring on the second floor where poo whould just appear all over the toilet seat.  Not just on it, but the back of it, the side, etc.  After the meeting to teach the ladies the proper way to use the restroom…the second floor stopped having streaking issues on their toilet seats.  And everyone appeared to be happy…but that didn’t last long.

The phantom pooper didn’t learn the proper way to go, this lady decided to start using the restrooms on the first floor. I will never forget the sight of the phantom’s first markings or when they showed their ugly face.  For the life of me, I will never figure out how she managed to get poo on the front side of the bowl towards the bottom.  Nothing on the seat…just down the curved part of the front.  I’m thinking she poohed half in her drawers and half in the toilet so that when she went to stand up her pants wiped up against the toilet.  Either that, or she is one hell of a Yoga/Conformist that read if you stand on your head and wrap your leg this way and channel your inner chi, the poo will leave you faster.

It’s clearly come to a point that we need to take a stand and tell these animals we aren’t going to take it anymore.  Start picketing, hanging posters with rules up, hire bathroom monitors, lobby our local governments…send our concerns to Obama to see if he can give a motivating speech and inspire a nation to learn to use the restroom without offending their fellow Americans.

….OR…..and this is a long shot….If you see someone acting like a fool, punch them in the groin.  When they wake up and/or come out of the daze, explain to them nicely what they did wrong, take a mug shot of their face along with the “error” of their ways, get their full legal name off of their ID and publish it on the internet.  And the next time they apply for a job, the employer can google “John Doe” and BAM!  You see Mr. Doe in his true element

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